Navigating grief at Christmas

Grief can feel even harder at this time of year

If you're reading this and feeling a sense of dread, you're not alone. Alongside birthdays and anniversaries, Christmas is probably the most difficult time for those of us who are grieving. It seems impossible to get away from the "season of joy" when we really couldn't feel less joyful. It can be exhausting to conceal our sadness from others who want to enjoy their celebrations, but we would give anything to have our loved ones back for just one more Christmas. 

Surviving Christmas

If it's your first Christmas, I send you lots of love and strength. What I can say is that, like those of us a bit further along, you will somehow survive it, even if this seems impossible to imagine right now.

Meanwhile, whatever stage you're at, don't be afraid to turn down invitations to socialise if that's going to make you feel worse than you already do. It may also be a good idea to step back from social media if you find yourself being bombarded by your friends posting about their 'complete' happy families at Christmas.

Instead, winter walks, or a creative project, if that's your thing, might provide a little respite. And take any small pleasures where you can, perhaps hibernating under a blanket with a book or a film, and a hot chocolate or some cake. Navigating grief at Christmas can be enormously challenging so self care is essential.

Talk about them, share memories, tell stories about them, laugh if you can - but only if any of that helps you.

Navigating grief at Christmas with the help of books

Reading books about other people’s experience of grief can be especially helpful at Christmas because they allow us to feel less isolated at a time when it seems the whole world is celebrating without us.

Grief stories give us permission to feel whatever we’re feeling. Seeing someone else express sadness, anger, confusion, or numbness can help you recognise that these emotions are normal. In my books, instead of unrelatable “positive thinking” advice, you read about survival and real struggle, but also moments of authentic hope too, which can feel gentler and more believable coming from someone who shares your experience. This can then help you feel part of an unspoken community of people navigating loss, which may be particularly comforting over the coming weeks.  

If you haven't read my books yet, I hope you might find they help you to feel less alone in your grief: 'Love Untethered' and 'When Grief Takes Everything' And maybe you could give one as a Christmas gift to a friend who is grieving too 💙

What people are saying about ' When Grief Takes Everything'

"When Grief Takes Everything is a stunning, heartfelt guide through the depths of loss. Vanessa May writes with profound honesty and tenderness, exploring not only the raw pain of grief but also holistic paths to healing."

"I couldn't put the book down. Vanessa lays it bare, she has walked a path through utter devastation but importantly she has dug her way out with her bare hands."

Vanessa May is the friend we ALL need while we sit at our kitchen table, head in our hands, our lives blown open. She has walked the path to forge a REALISTIC way to “do” this life within our unfathomable loss"

"You may feel completely alone in your suffering but 'When Grief Takes Everything' assures you that you are not."

Please share with others in grief

If you know others who are grieving a devastating loss, including any grief groups you may be a part of, please let them know about 'When Grief Takes Everything' if you think it might be helpful to them.

If you don't already, follow me on Instagram or Facebook where I post about all things grief related.



"When Grief Takes Everything is not just a story of grief, trauma and despair but a guide to navigating through this new world that makes no sense"

Click here to purchase 'When Grief Takes Everything'

I have written three books about grief - visit my Books page to read about them all

Vanessa May

Holistic Grief Coach & Certified Grief Educator

BANT Nutritional Therapist

ILM accredited Wellbeing Coach

Spiritual Life Coach