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Writer's pictureVanessa May

Grief, trauma and mental health

Grief is usually viewed as being separate from 'mental health' issues unless it is considered to have gone on too long - which is ridiculous because what bereaved parent or partner is going to be 'over' their loss within a designated time frame (usually considered to be a year or sometimes just six months!).


If grief is 'uncomplicated', as in there is no seismic shock or trauma involved, then there is less likelihood of a link with mental health concerns, but unfortunately there are instances when grief is inevitably more complicated.


It’s possible for grief and trauma to trigger mental health issues you didn’t previously have. It’s also possible for grief and trauma to trigger past issues you thought you’d worked through and left behind, such as anxiety or depression or even self-harming, addiction or eating disorders. (The latter issues, it goes without saying, will need specialist support.)


Whilst grief may not generally be classed as a mental health issue, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is. However, PTSD is a mental health issue that’s caused by something very specific, namely a traumatic event. Therefore, it’s unfortunately quite common when there has been a sudden death and/or child loss.




Life-changing loss


If your loss has been life-changing then there may be days when you feel so low that you can’t get out of bed and that you simply can’t go on. This is hardly surprising if you’ve experienced a terrible trauma. Depression can definitely be part of grief.


Traumatic loss can take us to an alien place and we can feel so very far from the person we once were. Hold on to the belief that the pain can eventually ease and you won’t always be without hope. I found writing about my feelings, vocalising my thoughts to those close to me, together with many of the suggestions I outline in my book 'Love Untethered', helped me to step back from the precipice after the loss of my son. (If you have serious concerns about your physical or mental health, or you feel you are in danger of hurting yourself, you must always seek help.)


Why grief and trauma might need different approaches


There is perhaps a key difference between addressing trauma and grief. With the latter, the importance of the telling and retelling of the bereavement story is considered key to moving through grief. However, when talk therapy won’t on its own shift complicated grief or trauma, it is worth looking at physiological approaches such as body-based therapies in addition. Our bodies carry our experiences of traumatic events. 'The Body Keeps the Score' by Bessel Van Der Kolk is highly recommended if you want to learn more about how trauma affects us both physically and mentally.


The body keeps the score


Bessel Van Der Kolk also says, ‘As long as the trauma is not resolved, the stress hormones that the body secretes to protect itself keep circulating…and the emotional responses keep getting replayed.’ Therefore, talking therapies alone may have limited efficacy in cases of PTSD due to its physical as well as emotional/ mental expression.


Being in survival mode is meant to be a temporary phase that can help to save your life. It’s not meant to be how you live once the immediate danger has passed. Unfortunately, sometimes when we endure experiences that are deeply shocking, survival systems remain active. These systems shift us onto a different, unfamiliar path, one we wouldn’t be on if we hadn’t been so disruptively traumatised. The stress hormones of traumatised people can rise very rapidly and then take much longer to return to baseline. Consistently elevated stress hormones have many potential health implications, including memory issues, fatigue, difficulty sleeping, as well as serious conditions such as cancer and heart disease.


One of the best starting points for calming an over-triggered nervous system is nutritional therapy. From both personal and professional experience, I have seen how important it is to work at a physical level as well as addressing the emotional issues associated with grief. This is why I often use nutritional therapy within the grief support I offer, as well as somatic work, breathwork, havening and EFT.


If you'd like to work with a grief coach who understands how to address grief holistically, please visit my website: holistic grief coaching


Vanessa May, grief coach and author

Vanessa May

Holistic Grief Coach & Certified Grief Educator

BANT Nutritional Therapist

ILM accredited Wellbeing Coach

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